Opinion  

Kanga said that the elephant was being fed with new honey. She didn't believe the other animals who said white elephants don't do very well in woods, nor the children, who said they didn't want an elephant at all. She said it was called Polly and everyone would jolly well love it, so there.

'It must eat an awful lot of honey,' said Pooh nervously.

Eeyore sniffed. He ate thistles, which he got under a GMS contract, unlike Pooh who had gone PMS the minute there was extra honey on offer.

Eeyore had warned him. 'There's no such thing as free honey,' he'd said, but Pooh hadn't listened. Not when Piglet was living the life of Riley because his PMS contract let him employ the three little pigs.

Eeyore didn't like the three little pigs. They had no idea how to build a house and were forever getting pregnant and refusing to work more than two hours at a time. Eeyore and Piglet weren't speaking at all now, and there was only Pooh left in the Union. Which made the Union a bit hopeless.

Kanga appeared. She said although she had new honey she had decided that Pooh's old honey could go to the elephant as well, because her evidence showed that children preferred elephants when there were no other animals to choose. She said it was all about the children's choice as long as they chose the elephant. Then she cackled and flew off on her broomstick.

'That was surreal,' said Pooh, watching her disappear into the night sky.

Eeyore poked the elephant. 'And this isn't?'

The elephant sighed, rolled over and squashed Eeyore, demonstrating that GMS is in just as much trouble and children don't have to like white elephants for them to squash us.

And then Pooh woke up, beat Piglet with his contract until he agreed to make the three little pigs partners, and they all rejoined the Union and chased the elephant out of the woods.

Although, of course, it was all just a fairy story.

- Dr Selby is a GP from Suffolk. Email her at GPcolumnists@haymarket.com.